DAMN

laptop power cord broke.

badly.

no updates for a long while.

using Mo's comp. as soon as it gets fixed i will be back.

9/365

i volunteered today. it was nice to get out and be around women who feel the same way i do, and volunteer for these causes too.

Mo hurt his back BADLY yesterday.

i have a really bad case of the fuck-its.

but Burgerville switched their ice cream formula back to the good stuff. YAY.

8/365

short day working today. but it was still way too early!

i have been trying to fool around with my camera. the pics look good on the cam display, then i upload them, and they look odd...

time just just set it to auto again i think.

Morgan, my husband, hasnt made a huge presence in my blog. I just dodnt want to intrude on his privacy. but, it has been made clear that he doesnt mind. and feels a bit left out.

i assure him, and anyone reading he is NOT left out of my life, and he has a huge presence in my life, and he means the world to me. as much as my children do.

my life really does revolve around my family. and i have NO problems with that. i love my family so much, and without them i would be completely lost. they are the driving force in my life.

tomorrow i am volunteering for one hour at St V's (where Addys birth went horribly wrong) for the Nursing Mothers Counsel of Oregon, of which i am a peer phone counselor and volunteer.

I am looking forward to it honestly.

I havent done anything in the public for quite a while, other than grocery shopping, etc. so this will be nice, talking to the public about an important thing in my life.

i have been baking alot recently, cookies, banana almond coconut muffins, brownies. a bunch of deliciousness. it makes me happy to provide home baked treats made with wholesome ingredients like unprocessed whole wheat flour, and honey, and oats, and coconut oil, and bananas. the kids feel like they are getting away with something, and i know i am adding to their daily dose of nutritional YUMMINESS.

7/365

should i just give up? it is wednesday. i missed two days.

so, a few pics to make up for it. a puppy pic (the lil white n black/brown boy is up for grabs now!!), one or two of me. and one of *Bean* and one of *Bug*

letsee...*Bean* is sick, stayed home on Monday, and today. Morgan stayed home Monday too.

I am feeling a lil better, and *Bug* is boogery.

cookies are in the oven, kids are eating lunch, i feel so damn domestic.

6/365

sick. so very sick.

muscles are stiff and sore. more so than normal.

coughing, sinuses full to the point of pain, headache, sore throat. the works

and the girls are sick too, runny noses, coughs, cranky, mild fevers.

and yet, they are running circles around me. the manic little heathens!

my house is trashed, my kids are half naked, and climbing the walls, and i can barely get off the couch.

Thank goodness i had yesterday, today, and tomorrow off work. cause i would be worhtless to other peoples kids right now.

no pictures today. i cant be arsed to take one.

crap

5/365, tho it should be 7/365

it is Saturday. i am sick.

we went grocery shopping at Trader Joes and stocked up. it feels good to have a full kitchen.

asked Mo to take a few flattering pics of me, now that i am wearing a 1x in dresses.

i got ONE ok pic out of the bunch.

i guess i really asked for it, knowing that he is a tech guy, and not a photographer, and if i wanted good pics of myself I should have set up a tri-pod or asked a friend.

My husband thinks i am lovely no matter what, so he doesnt mind taking pics of me when i look like a douchebag. i however mind.

my girls are pushing my limits of patience, dumping out ALL the toy bins and scattering them all over the house. and jeez, cant a mom go to the bathroom in peace?!

i am feeling really negative right now.

guess i need to go for a walk and pick up my meds, it has been a week without my zoloft, and i am FEELING it.

4/365

*C* and *S* just got picked up. it has been a LONG day.

Lots of bending and stooping over, and squatting to pick up toys, and talk to the kids on their level.

I am finding it difficult to relate to these children who have spent so much time in their fathers care while their mother works, and their father is.... very mainstream. punitive, physical punishments, shaming, etc. so these kids are sneaky about stuff, like food, and toys, and hurting each other, etc.

it has been trying.

*Bean* and *C* like to play pretend together, and they keep each other pretty busy, in a good way, so I am able to focus on the littles, *S* and *Bug*, and tomorrow *E* as well. but when *Bug* is having a hard time with waking early, with me not in the bed, and then wants to nurse all day up til lunchtime, it makes it really difficult to meet everyones needs, including those of the household such as folding laundry and washing dishes.

Today, Mo my husband was able to spend time with *Bug* in the bedroom, and she fell asleep for a nap before he even left for work at 11. and slept til a little after 1. Lucky *C* and *S* got my undivided attention, and we had a dance party, and worked on stretches, and speech.

I am tired, and want to nap before *Bean* gets home from school, but *Bug* is awake now, and while i could put Dora on Mo's computer and just snuggle her while i sleep with the door locked... i just dont think i feel too comfortable with that.

and with the nods, i leave you with a few pics of my living room, in all its messy glory, 5 minutes after getting picked up, and 5 minutes before the next pick-up.

3/365

this entry is one day late, because yesterday was SO FULL!!!

i started taking care of *C* who is a 4.5 yo boy, and ALL energy, and *S* who is a 2.5 yo girl, and ALL attitude! :)

after they got picked up, *Bug* and i napped, then picked up *Bean* from the bus, and chilled til Nana came to pick us up to finish laundry. we missed out on Open House night at school :(

got home at 8:15, and the girls didnt get to sleep til after 10:30. then my brain wouldnt turn off!!! and then there were all sorts of middle of the night sleep interruptions... so being up at 5:30 is NOT easy yet!!!

i took alot of pics of our day, but i dont have permission from their mom to post them here. yet.

so for now i post one of *Bean*, one of *Bug* and one of myself from day 3/365

2/365

LONG day today.

it's 11:30 pm, and *Bug* is still awake, nursing and smacking me. and occasionally hopping off the bed to wander the bedroom in the dark mumbling about pandas.

I have to be awake at 5:30 am tomorrow to start my first day with family #2 providing child care for their two children *C* who is a 4.5 yo boy and *S* who is a 2.5 yo girl. Family #1 has *E* who is also a 2.5 yo girl, but she only comes here on Thursdays.

Today we went to my moms house after *Bean* got home from school. i did laundry while *Bean* and *Bug* got to spend time with Nana, and Papa, and Uncle V, and *P* who is a temporary placement in my parents adult foster care home.

for now, i leave the blog with an old picture i took this summer of a beautiful pink flower, because i wasnt able to take any pictures today. hopefully i can get some cranked out tomorrow.

1/365

day 1 of 365

this is my attempt to record 365 consecutive days of my life.

I am a woman, a mother, and a wife. I am fat, and happy. I am bipolar.

today I started my day quite sore, did i mention I also have Fibromyalgia?

I was completely un-motivated to do anything, but with the two chirping kids, *Bean* and *Bug* wanting breakfast, and to get dressed, as well as a house that looked like a 5 year old hurricane had run through it (that would be *Bean*), I had to find motivation quickly.

after an Episode of Glee on the laptop while the girls made a bigger mess and ate bagles, I felt ready enough to dress them. which lasted about 5 minutes for *Bug*, who is a 2 year old nudist. :)

I havent showered since yesterday, and I have at least 3 loads of laundry to wash residing in my bedroom, as well as another 3 residing in my moms laundry room.

my kids are fed, played with, and happy. for the most part.

and i am feeling.... frazzled.